June 15, 2001 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 11

bigtips

Dog owning is different now: You must become the Alpha

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

It is, perhaps, known to you that I have three dogs. It may also be known to you that I was not party to the acquisition of the first, as she came as part of my girlfriend's dowry. The other two just showed up, and I fought each subsequent addition a little less vigorously. After all, once you have to come home and feed and wring out one pee-ball, you may as well do it for three.

Of course, once you're around them for more than a few days you start to love them, and then it's all over. Next thing you know, you're the woman on the bus with the hairy pants and faint pee smell.

Your life changes, but it's not necessarily about the adjustments to your schedule, or the necessity of budgeting in eye drops and pig ears and dog food that you suspect is providing a more well-balanced diet for them than what you're eating yourself.

No, the major change is that your home and all extended social zones have become an arena for the eternal and challenging game of I'm the Alpha.

Contemporary pet ownership seems to require a level of psychological drama and manipulation that bears nothing in common with the pet owning model of my youth.

When I was a kid, this was how it went. Someone you knew got a dog, or you saw one on TV. You asked your parents for a dog. They said no, you weren't old enough to take responsibility.

With varying levels of whining and persistence, this process cycled for a few years until they wore down, you actually evidenced some potential for responsibility, or some soulful-eyed pup showed up at the door or "followed you home.” Laziness in enforcement occurred, and bingo, you had a dog.

This was most often followed by enthusiastic walking and feeding in the beginning, which quickly wound down to your mom taking care of all of the dog's earthly needs except when you threw it M&Ms* at parties to make your friends laugh.

In this scenario, the dog is a pettable, peeing bark machine that is invisibly fed and let in and out. The dog proceeds to appear in family snapshots and is eventually put to sleep when the curve of "dog's aging and increased physical discomfort" intersects with the curve of "mom's patience." Fur is not so much of an issue, because mom probably vacuums it up, or something.

But most of all, even if you had the smartest, "Lassiest" dog in the neighborhood, there was never any expectation that you (or mom) were supposed to establish psychological dominion over your pet.

Well, the days of enjoying an unexamined

* Chocolate can be very dangerous (read: fatal) for dogs, no lie. Please do not repeat this act of youthful ignorance. No, my dog didn't die from it, but other dogs have.

personal relationship with your dog are over, my friend. You only have to spend ten minutes at the dog park to hear the pack chat. (Did mom go the dog park? No. The dogs of our childhood happily wandered the neighborhood, shitting and biting children as God intended.)

Within each litter, a hierarchy of power evolves, and when a puppy comes to live with a family, it starts checking and testing to see what its position is in its new “pack.” Since the dog doesn't actually understand a damn thing we're saying to it, we need to pay serious attention to what it's saying to us so we can stay on top, and nip undesirable patterns in the bud.

Whining? Be reassuring, but don't pet him or pick him up: you'll encourage him to be whiner. Licking at your mouth? Gross, but probably a sign of submission that's good to tolerate. Peeing when you come home? Not malicious, but again a submissive behavior. Punishing him for this only makes him more fearful, more submissive, and exacerbates the situation.

This must be what parents felt when they realized that they probably weren't maximizing their six-year-old's potential by popping a boiled potato in her pocket and packing her off to the mills. All of a sudden you're faced with much more responsibility for this creature than you initially thought you were in for.

So what does that mean? I can't yet answer for the kid thing, but I've been duking it out with the dog drama for a few years, and I'm still stumbling around. Of course there is the requisite basic training that's necessary just to keep them and others safe: sitting, coming when called, not jumping, and so on. I've been surprised and heartened to see that working with rewards and praise works as well or better than what I've seen people do with choke collars and punishment. It actually makes me feel hopeful about my future as a non-spanking parent of a human.

But beside the skills training, and critical to its success, there's the establishment of Who's the Boss. As far as I can see, there are two keys to it all: Eye contact, and turning the dog upside down.

The eye contact is like any staring contest in junior high, except that this time you can meditate on the long cute snout that's between the eyes of the creature you're trying to psych out. Never look away first.

You're also supposed to get them to look at you before you tell them to do anything. This can be achieved by getting their attention with a biscuit, then pulling the biscuit up to your eye level, so they're looking at you. The level of sustained success I've had with this leads me to believe that I'd do better if I had a Milk Bone surgically implanted into my forehead.

The upside down part happens at the other end of the training spectrum. If there's a whole lot of growling going on, or some

Susan M. Weaver

Attorney at Law

Bankruptcy

Estate Planning DUI

•

Injury

"Personalized Solutions for all

Legal Matters"

Free Initial Consultation

Please make a note of our new number (216) 363-5220

Offices in Cleveland & Rocky River

rambunctious canine snaps at someone, you take her down, immediately, until you are holding her down on the ground belly up. Use the eye contact until she looks "away. Don't let go if she's struggling. Wait a minute until she's calm, say “Okay,” then let her go. You're not rough or mean, but you are definitely the top. This is a skill, once perfected, that I'm planning on using in meetings.

Ultimately, of course, it's my responsibility to bring out what the dogs have to give, and I have a far more satisfying, respectful

and loving relationship with them than I did with any animal I just happened to cohabitate with as a child. I probably wouldn't recommend embarking upon a new canine adventure with three at once, but circumstances being what they are, I think they're whipping me into shape quite nicely.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

John R. O'Connor, LISW ACSW of D.L. Dunkle and Associates Practicing in Two Locations

5 S. Main Suite 204 Oberlin, Ohio 44074

216-229-2100

PRIDE CARD

ACCEPTED HERE!!

Serving our Community with Pride for Over a Decade!

12417 Cedar Road Suites 21-24

Cleveland Hts., Ohio 44106

800-938-9973

Approved Auto Repair

PROCARE®

Automotive — Service Centers

M-F 7AM-7PM Sat 8AM-6PM

• Tires • Brakes •

•

• Tune Ups • Oil Changes Alignments

•

Diagnostics

• Transmission Service

•

Cooling System Service

• 24 Month or 24,000 mile warranty whichever comes last!

PROCARE

Automotive

Service Centers

Oil Change $14.95

Regularly $43.90

$20 OFF

on any

$100 or more

invoice.

at

PROCARE

GPC

Automotive

Service Centers

offer Expires 6-30-2001 Code 00

Your Complete Automotive Service Center!

Lakewood

Lake & Cove at 12027 Lake Ave. (216) 221-4606

Rocky River

19400 Hilliard Blvd. (440) 333-3171

Shaker Heights

1 block North of Shaker Sq. at Kemper (216) 231-5551

Cleveland

Lorain & Triskett at 15310 Lorain Rd. (216) 476-1700

ASE

CERTIFIED

ASE Certified Technicians

Appointments welcome, but not necessary. Visit us at www.procareauto.com to schedule your appointment online.